are you the SAT because i’d do you for 3 hours and 45 minutes
with a ten minute break halfway through for snacks
That’s the most reasonable pick up line I’ve ever heard. You’re hired.
(via marioandluigi11-30-10)
i made a list of the things i hate about myself
(via howdoththoucommenceatriceratops)
Woops my 10 minute study break turned into a whole year
(via zackisontumblr)
“you can’t wear that!!!! people will get the wrong impression!!!”
the impression that i am a hot babe with an ass that just won’t quit???? honey that ain’t wrong that’s just fact
(via maamslam)
The oldest person alive was born on April 19, 1897, meaning that April 18th, 1897 was approximately the last time the Earth was inhabited by an entirely different set of people and if you don’t think that’s the realist shit ever then you can get right on outta town.
(via pshermanforty2wallabyway)
it snew today
i think i just busted vein from laughing so hard what the hell is snew an actual word
the post that ruined my life
(via barack-o-llamas)
I DRANK AN ENTIRE DOUBLE SHOT OF ESPRESSO FROM THE STORE IN LIKE 5 SECONDS AND I CAN HEAR MYSELF BREATHE
i saw this on my dashboard and thought “man yesterday sure was weird” and then i realized that i’m still wearing the same shirt and this post was 5 hours ago
(via barack-o-llamas)
if i were a murderer i’d be the febreze murderer and lead my victims blindfolded to undisclosed locations and i’d ask them what they smelled and they’d be like “omg ocean air and tulips” and then i’d rip off the blindfold and it would be A PILE OF THE BODIES OF MY PREVIOUS VICTIMS
my mom made me go to a therapist because of this
(via howdoththoucommenceatriceratops)
